What is Gaslighting? And How I Overcame It.

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Ever heard of gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse where someone manipulates another individual into doubting their own reality or sanity.

A few examples of what gaslighters may say:
❗️you’re crazy
❗️you’re imagining things
❗️it was just a joke
❗️you’re overreacting
❗️I don’t know what you’re talking about
❗️no one will believe you because it never happened
❗️it’s no big deal
❗️they’re lying (everyone else)
❗️you’re not thinking straight
❗️I never did that
❗️don’t make things up

For years I was gaslit by my abuser on the daily. I often found myself discounting my thoughts, what I experienced, saw, heard & even wondered if I was crazy or hallucinating.

It was only when I stumbled upon an article online did I become aware of what was truly being done to me.

It’s not easy breaking free from a gaslighting dynamic because the perpetrator is so powerful in confusing you and your thoughts but these 2 things helped me differentiate the truth from his lies:
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🔑 journaling – every time I was harmed I’d write it down if I could so that when my abuser attempted to gaslight me later I’d have my words as reference that what had happened was indeed true
🔑 telling a loved one – while not everyone understood what gaslighting was I’d bounce my thoughts off someone I trusted or reconfirmed events with someone who may have been there when a negative incident took place

8 years after my own experience of gaslighting, I’ve learnt to never distrust my own perceptions, and have come a long way in listening to my intuition. Yes, healing can be challenging, and learning to trust yourself and others feels like taking a big leap into the unknown. But believing yourself is a muscle: the more you practice, the stronger you get.

To every victim, if I could tell you just one thing it is simply this: Believe in yourself. And know that we all have the power to heal after a relationship where gaslighting was present.

I Will Not Make Myself Small

 

For a long time I thought I was a failure because I hadn’t completed my degree.

When everyone else was throwing their hats up in the air at graduation, I was battling domestic violence. And when friends were nailing prestigious jobs, I was restarting life from scratch.

Needless to say I felt small, less, embarrassed and ashamed. I felt like I made some really bad decisions.

But the day finally came where I realized that contrary to what I had believed all along, I was anything but small.

I suddenly saw my so called failures as higher mountains that I victoriously climbed, and my lacking as deeper valleys that I strenuously swam through. I was a champion for trudging through tougher terrain and this made me anything but small – it made me resilient, brave & strong.

Maybe my timeline wasn’t the same as everyone else’s because my life took a different path. But I still made it. And though I wasn’t where everyone else was, my progress was still progress.

To find the will to believe in yourself when you aren’t qualified as everyone else in the game is fearless. To hit restart when everything has crumbled to pieces is brave.

So remember the next time your life doesn’t add up with someone else’s, when you feel you’re less than whoever, remember you ran a race of your own – the mountains you’ve climbed were higher than theirs, the path harder & tougher. Remember that you are anything but small for persevering in-spite of the opportunities you didn’t have & that you overcame every challenge that came your way.

Then say it over and over again until you are out of breath: I. Will. Not. Make. Myself. Small.