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Ever heard of gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse where someone manipulates another individual into doubting their own reality or sanity.
A few examples of what gaslighters may say:
❗️you’re crazy
❗️you’re imagining things
❗️it was just a joke
❗️you’re overreacting
❗️I don’t know what you’re talking about
❗️no one will believe you because it never happened
❗️it’s no big deal
❗️they’re lying (everyone else)
❗️you’re not thinking straight
❗️I never did that
❗️don’t make things up
For years I was gaslit by my abuser on the daily. I often found myself discounting my thoughts, what I experienced, saw, heard & even wondered if I was crazy or hallucinating.
It was only when I stumbled upon an article online did I become aware of what was truly being done to me.
It’s not easy breaking free from a gaslighting dynamic because the perpetrator is so powerful in confusing you and your thoughts but these 2 things helped me differentiate the truth from his lies:
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🔑 journaling – every time I was harmed I’d write it down if I could so that when my abuser attempted to gaslight me later I’d have my words as reference that what had happened was indeed true
🔑 telling a loved one – while not everyone understood what gaslighting was I’d bounce my thoughts off someone I trusted or reconfirmed events with someone who may have been there when a negative incident took place
8 years after my own experience of gaslighting, I’ve learnt to never distrust my own perceptions, and have come a long way in listening to my intuition. Yes, healing can be challenging, and learning to trust yourself and others feels like taking a big leap into the unknown. But believing yourself is a muscle: the more you practice, the stronger you get.
To every victim, if I could tell you just one thing it is simply this: Believe in yourself. And know that we all have the power to heal after a relationship where gaslighting was present.
Memoirs of a survivor 