So it’s been quite the challenge coming back home and trying to re-integrate myself into community. The job search was endless and I was almost regretting moving back after almost four years in New Delhi.
I ended up getting a job offer that I wasn’t too keen on but that I tried out for a few days. Until I QUIT! In a day and age where more people are losing their jobs than gaining, I got asked to try and stick it out. And I almost did until I had a revelation.
I liked the job as such but my boss was a temperamental woman who didn’t necessarily treat her staff very well. Desperate for employment, I tried so hard to adjust to her moods and manner of working but I couldn’t sleep well at night, was miserable and exhausted beyond measure. I went back and forth about whether I should keep the job or not considering that I needed it so badly. But one day I just walked out and left. I decided that I didn’t get out of an abusive situation to walk into another stupid one of sorts.
Today Im proud of myself. I’m glad that unlike 10 years ago where I just ignored my intuition and went along with whatever came my way, I took a stand this time. I decided I wasn’t going to settle for less that I deserved. I told myself that I deserved to be treated with dignity and respect even at my workplace. I told myself that even if I was in a desperate situation I knew better than to get myself into something that I would later regret.
I guess this is one of those valuable lessons we learn after being in an abusive relationship. We learn that we have an identity, that we are precious and that we are worthy of being treated well wherever we are. Yes, there is a high tendency to walk into an abusive situation over again because we’ve been there before but there comes a point where we break the cycle and realise that we have learnt much too well.
Never settle for less wherever you are. Never feel like you have to cope with someone else’s shit and never feel like you have to bow down to anyone’s pride and ego. You are better than that. You have been there before. You know what it amounts to. I’m glad I quit that stupid job where I was constantly walking on egg shells all over again. Loving myself enough to ask for better has only led me to receive a better job today with a leader (not a boss) who respects and appreciates me as her equal.
Take the leap of faith always. Don’t cope, or endure or silently suffer any kind of mistreatment. If there is anything that we have learnt from what we have been through before, it is this. Make that hell of an experience worth your while. Use it to teach you to never let anyone else treat you less than you deserve.
Memoirs of a survivor 